In Search of A Virtuous Woman

"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Woody Allen

I was 17 years old when I felt God's call at a Christ In Youth conference in Spartanburg, NC.  It had been a spiritually-charged week of worship, messages and fun culminating in a challenge to be something greater than ourselves.  I remember vividly that the main speaker gave an inspiring message, though the only words I actually recall were: "If any of you have felt the call to vocational ministry during this week, would you stand so we can pray for you?"  With my closest friends and spiritual family surrounding me, my body lifted out of my seat without any effort at all, and that was it.  I was staking my claim on the path to ministry.  From that moment on I never looked back: Jesus had my whole heart and all my efforts.

That day was nearly 20 years ago, and I can say with full confidence that I am more committed to that calling today than ever.  When I saw the opportunity to join the staff at Greenford Christian Church, I could hardly contain my excitement.  I had been praying about another opportunity to serve on staff at a church again now that my children were all in school during the day.  Once I became a mother, I would often say that the only job I would consider taking again would be in ministry.  God basically wrapped this opportunity up in a bright pink bow (yes, it has to be pink!) and dropped it in my lap.  It would be a part time position that would allow me to get my kids on and off the bus 3-4 days a week, while also serving Sunday mornings and at other special events.  I have loved Jesus for 20 years now, and He's still surprising me with the perfection of His blessings and their timing.  When Beth said she wanted to hire me for a spot on the Family Ministry Team, I couldn't help but wrap her up in a big hug and thank her.

You know that phrase, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is?"  You guys, that is absolutely NOT APPLICABLE in this case!  I have loved every single day I was on staff at Greenford.  Yes, there have been challenges.  Yes, there have been days I was frustrated.  Yes, there were days that I cried my eyes out (just ask my team members. Poor souls.) but I would not trade a single day for all the treasure in the world.  I consider every person on staff a friend.  I have laughed harder, prayed harder, and loved harder than I thought was possible during my time on the Family Ministry Team.  I have seen many miraculous things that can only be explained by God's intervention in that place.

If I had my way, I would keep working at Greenford for another 10-20 years before I even considered whether I should make a change.  If I had my way, I would have boundless energy and time to commit to Family Ministry because I believe in their vision so much.  But the truth is, "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21

It's funny how God works.  When I say "funny," I mean both "HaHa" funny and also "that is just cray-cray" funny.  He placed a crazy passion in my heart to love others in the name of Jesus.  If I were God, I would give that gift to me, and then just take away any speed bump that might be hindering me from sprinting from one ministry opportunity to the next.  But, lucky for you, I am not God.  I would most epically fail. I do wonder, though, why God would place that passion in my heart and also allow things to be present in my life that keep me from doing all the ministry I can.  Doesn't it make sense to give someone an equal measure of both the desire to do all the good work in front of them, and also the ability to do it? Yeah, I guess that means you're not God either.  " 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' " - Isaiah 55:8-9.

I'm reminded often of Paul's words about the thorn in his flesh in 2 Corinthians 12.  He says, " 'Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.'" 

Not that I think I am comparable to the Apostle Paul in the least... except for maybe in the same way that a piece of coal will one day be a diamond.  That is about how close I am to being like Paul.  I can definitely relate to his words of wisdom, though.  A bit of trivia about me:  I am prone to anxiety and depression.  It does not define me or own me, but it is most definitely a part of my reality.  Jake and I have prayed over and over that God would take it away from me.  I could do so much more for the Kingdom if I just had the energy.  Have you ever experienced anxiety or depression?  To me, anxiety feels like I'm walking barefoot on thin ice with cracks on the surface all around me.  Depression feels like I'm carrying one of those hiking backpacks full of bowling balls through a swamp of the kind of mud that sucks your shoes right off your feet.  Now imagine juggling a family and a career (even if it is part time) in either of those two scenarios.  Imagine it with both scenarios simultaneously.

I knew it would be a challenge to do my job with the possibility of the chilling ice and sucking mud threatening to pull me down, but I also knew the kind of God I was serving.  He is the God who created ice and mud, and commanded them to obey.  I took a step in faith trusting that God would give me the strength to do His will.  Guess what?  He carried me every single day.  There were some days he drug me like a toddler through the cereal aisle at Walmart, but here we are: we made it. 

I don't know when exactly it started to happen, but at some point I began to feel a discontentment in my spirit.  The days of ice and mud began to outnumber the days I felt like I could walk on water.  I found myself coming home from work with nothing left for my family.  I would lie on my bed just trying to summon the motivation to make dinner.  The guilt over that was unbearable.  Though my children had outgrown diapers and formula, somehow they needed me even more now.  They needed a mommy who was active in their lives, not just present.  If that wasn't bad enough, Jake was getting whatever was left over after I tucked the kids in.  I'm not a marriage counselor, but that sounds to me like a recipe for disaster.  Something needed to change.  I began searching Scripture for evidence of what I needed.  I prayed, "God, I know you promise me that if I come to you weary and burdened that you will give me rest.  Lord, please give me rest."  Once again He picked me up, and spoke sweet, healing words to my restless spirit.  "Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." -Matthew 11:29

Have you ever seen an answer to prayer directly in front of your face, and failed to believe it could be that easy?  That's how it happened.  The more I searched God's Word, the more I consistently found reminders of His commands to wives and mothers: take care of your family.  Did you know that the Hebrew word for "virtue" as used to describe both the Proverbs 31 woman and Ruth the ancestress of Jesus is often also used to describe soldiers of war?  That means that a virtuous woman is one who FIGHTS for her family.  That gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.  There are many beautiful examples of women in leadership throughout the Bible.  As a woman who graduated from Bible College with the skills to teach and preach, I wear leadership like a badge of honor.  But I couldn't get past the command to love my family first and best.  It's the only thing wives and mothers are specifically commanded to do in scripture.  

One afternoon as I sat with my dear friend discussing marriage and families, she very wisely asked the question, "Why is it we think being a wife and mother is not enough?"  It's a question worth answering.  I think there are many reasons we think this.  Parenting is not a sprint.  It is a marathon full of challenging obstacles and far too few water breaks.  Even when it is done well, there is no guarantee our kids will turn out the way we hoped because children are not a prize to be won.  They are not the medal at the finish line.  They are human beings with their own talents, weaknesses, interests, and (sometimes unfortunately) their own wills.  They are treasures loved by God who need nurturing and care from the moment they are born to the moment they leave the earth.  We never stop needing our mothers.  

It is easy to forget this important task because the days are so long.  Motherhood becomes a new way of life once a woman has a child.  It is a perspective that can never be switched to the "off" position.  Even if Jake and I are blessed to get a weekend away, it never leaves my mind for a moment that there are three little people at home loving us and waiting for our return.  So motherhood becomes a lens through which we see the world.  Just like a pair of glasses, we often don't remember how important the calling of motherhood is until it becomes broken.

Another piece of wisdom of gleaned from my time on earth is that there is no recipe for a perfect mom.  I have watched many excellent mothers hold down a full-time job (or two), be involved in a myriad of other activities, and still absolutely kill it at being a mom and wife.  We are not all created equally.  God has not given me the ability to give the proper attention to both my family and a job in this season.  To serve the Family Ministry Team with excellence while neglecting my own would be the greatest hypocrisy of my life.  I had to sit down and think long and hard about what that meant for my future.  Maybe the answer to my prayer for rest was to lay everything down at the feet of Jesus, and to pick up the burden Jesus had for me to bear all along: giving all of my energy to loving my family first and best.  Simple, and yet so challenging.

Once I knew what I had to do, it was agonizing to keep it a secret.  How people live double lives I will never know.  I knew I needed to resign before Christmas, but I love my team so much that my resignation was certainly not going to be what I wrapped up under the tree for them.  In God's amazing provision, though, He gave me the most peaceful Christmas vacation I've had in several years.  It was only when we returned to the office in the new year that the urge to follow through with the plans God placed before me became heavy again.  Through sobs, I delivered the news to sweet Beth, and do you want to know her response?  It was, "I love you, and I want what is best for you and your family."  How am I supposed to leave when she goes and says something like that?!  Even still, I know God's plan for me, and I am staking my claim on it once again.  The truth is, I'm still called to vocational ministry.  It's just that now my vocation is "stay-at-home-mom."  

PS... 

To all the friends I've made at Greenford Christian Church: Don't worry! My family is not going anywhere.  You will still see me Sunday after Sunday and at lots of special events.  I'm just changing my status from paid staff to volunteer.

To the leadership and staff at Greenford Christian Church, thank you for welcoming me into the family, and for helping make the past year and a half one of the best of my life.  I will continue to keep you in my prayers as we wait for God to provide in the astounding ways only He can. 

To the mom who is reading this and struggling with her own station in life: you are known and loved by our Creator.  He has a plan for your life too, and IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE MINE.  Stop letting the enemy get a foothold in God's plan for you because of comparison and guilt.  If you really want to know God's plan for your life, start praying.  Don't just think about praying, and talk about praying, but actually do it.  Talk to women in your life who are already doing what you hope to be doing in 10 years.  If you don't know anyone like that, then talk to me and I'll pray with you until you do.

To everyone who took the time to read this all the way to the end: thank you for letting me share my heart with you.  I pray that you will seek God with all your heart until you find what infinite joy it is to know Him.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30

My Packing List

"Bye! I love you!"

"I love you, too, Mommy!"

I closed the door and shut off the light so I could see out the window into the dark morning.  There he went.  My baby.  My brand new middle schooler.  My first child edged closer and closer to the busy road in front of our house.  Only a few feet away from him massive vessels capable of his demise roared past, oblivious to his presence. He stood, unmoved and otherwise unalarmed by their proximity.

On his back he wore a single bag.  He shifted the weight on his shoulders as he peered into the waking dawn, awaiting the next leg of his journey.  My stomach clenched as a single thought struck my consciousness: did I provide him with all he needs for this day?  What did I pack in his bag?

Every day, whether we know it or not, we are packing a bag for our children.  This is true in a literal sense as we consider whether we reminded them to finish their homework or packed a healthy lunch. However, what hit me that morning was how I was intentionally packing a figurative bag for my son. Would he face his days with everything he needs from me?

I don't need to tell you what a big world our children are facing.  The road ahead of them is dark and scary; filled with huge obstacles that can either take them somewhere, or flatten them where they stand.  As parents, we can only hold their hands for so long before they start to let go and walk out towards that busy road by themselves.  Yes, we will go with them as far as we can, but eventually they are out there on their own.

What gives me hope, though, is the daily knowledge that I can still help by packing a bag for them.  I can fill that bag with whatever I choose.  I have the choice daily to look at everything I have at my disposal, and decide what I will provide for them.  So, I make a packing list.  Like every good list, I give it a title and number it:

"My Packing List"

1.  Love.  Does he leave our doorstep each morning knowing that I'm his biggest cheerleader?  Does he know that no matter what happens today, whether he rocks that math quiz or ends up in detention that there's nothing he can do to change my love for him?  Did he go to bed last night with the reminder of the same thing?  Does he know that no matter how far away he goes, that I will be waiting here with open arms when he comes back home?

2.  Safety.  Does he know that our house is a safe place?  That inside this house are people that love and support him, and even on our worst days we will still fight for him.  Does he know that there are no stupid questions here, and he can ask me anything?  Does he know it's okay to fail?  I mean, like, epic mistakes... Does he know I'm still going to think he's awesome, and that I've made a few of those, too?  Does he know that sometimes I'm going to tell him, "No," and that it's only because I'm looking out for his best interest?  Does he know that anyone he brings home will be welcomed and loved no matter who they are?

3.  Friends.  Do I know every single contact in his phone because I'm his mom and that's why?  Am I strategically placing him in environments where he's going to make solid friends with great parents?  Do I like and trust a sacred few of those parents and secretly give them permission to be the parent to him when he doesn't want to listen to me?  Am I teaching him how to be a good friend to others and how to nurture those friendships?  Did I warn him that though everyone he meets deserves to be loved by him, that not everyone he meets should be welcomed into the deepest parts of his life?  Did I give him the tools to figure that out?

4.  Time.  Does he have access to my full attention at special times, even if it's not every single day?  Am I spending time with him away from everyone else so we can bond?  Do we talk often enough that having a tough conversation doesn't ruin our relationship?  Does he have enough time to do his homework without rushing most days?  Does he have enough time to get a good night's sleep?  Does he have time to do nothing but be a kid?

As I scroll down the list, I begin to check some off.  Yep, I packed love today.  Good, I packed time today.  Some days I feel like a rockstar as I check off every item on the list.  Other days I feel sloppy as I realize I missed one, or two, or all four.  Even on the bad days, though,  I know I've been packing his bag full of those good things for so long that there will still be extra left over from the days before.

It would be easy to overanalyze my packing list, and whether or not I filled my son's bag full enough today.  Moments later, though, the bus pulls up in a warm, hazy light.  He bravely climbs up the stairs as the driver switches on the light so he can see the steps ahead of him.  The bus lurches and rumbles off into the horizon.

I only watch for a moment.  He's gone from my sight for now, but soon enough he'll bring his bag home again for me to refill.  I have to get moving, too.  I have two more bags upstairs to pack.

The Hanger Challenge

Like every other typical American mom, I spent a large chunk of time and money on shopping trips last month.  There were backpacks and lunchboxes to buy, along with school supplies and all manner of containers in which to tote said supplies on and off the bus for the next nine months.  Then there was the clothes shopping.  Yes, it was time for the annual Back-to-School shopping spree.  Of course, no shopping spree would be complete without the new wardrobe additions.  It was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how difficult it is to shop for clothing for children who are smack-dab in the middle of random growth spurts?  Yes, this size fits now, but will it fit 2 months from now when it is actually needed?  This kid goes through pants like he goes through toilet paper (...okay so maybe that's not the BEST comparison) so I know I need a bigger size, but how far in advance shall I plan?  Why is it that a pair of jeans can increase only one size, but roughly double in price?  Is this fad going to last until Christmas break, or am I wasting precious money and closet space on something that won't be worn after the first round of school photos?

Ah, the closet space... That's where my mind was buzzing as I was organizing all the new shirts and pants we "needed" for this school year.  Jack had come to me announcing that since he ran out of hangers, he couldn't finish cleaning his room, which included the task of putting away clean laundry.  Bless his heart.  I quickly solved his problem by handing him a bunch of hangers from my own closet and gently shoving him back to the direction of his room.  That left me, however, with a scarcity of my own ability to finish hanging up my clothes.  For a moment I thought, "Hmm... Looks like I need to buy more hangers."

But then something caught in my spirit... What if what I need is not to buy more hangers, but instead to have less clothing to put away?

I looked around the state of my bedroom.  I would definitely not allow my children to have friends over if their rooms looked like mine.  Why is it that my bedroom is always the last one to be cleaned?  Stacks of jewelry, books, papers, personal items, and yes, clothing sat around waiting to be dealt with.  It was a bit depressing!  Where does this clutter come from?  To be honest, this is not the stuff I'm focusing on when I'm checking the daily sales at Zulily, or the Target app for free shipping deals.  Whenever I'm shopping, I'm focused on what I feel I need and don't have; not the piles of stuff taking up space in my house.  It goes beyond the state of my house to the state of my heart.  What unending  void am I trying to fill with stuff?

Have you heard of the Japanese art of decluttering by getting rid of objects that don't "spark joy"?  It's a real thing: read more here. The idea is that when you pick up an item you own, you will either immediately feel joy because of its presence, or you will not.  Items that don't immediately invoke a sense of happiness should be discarded.  According to Marie Kondo, author of “The Life-Changing Magic of Cleaning Up: The Japanese art of decluttering and organizing”, this is the key to living a joy-filled life.  Though I don 't agree with the entirety of this philosophy, Kondo may be on to something.  What if our contentment lies not in what we obtain, but in what we give away?

As the old saying goes, "Money can't buy happiness."  According to psychological studies it's true.  There is a direct correlation between generosity and the feeling of happiness or joy.  In my brief research, I found that this truth is consistent across the board.  For example, take this super awesome and nerdy scientific data for those with giant brains.  According to scientific studies, even the decision to be generous to others, let alone the act of being generous in and of itself, actually stimulates the joy centers of the brain.  I find that absolutely fascinating, but not shocking.

The Bible illustrates again and again the concept of denying oneself and elevating others as a source of true joy.  In the account given in the book of Acts, we see the building of the very first Church.  I don't mean a brick building with a cross on the roof.  The first churches (as in where it was held: lower case "c") existed in the homes of faithful followers of Jesus.  By building the Church (God's followers: capital "C") I mean setting forth the foundational principles by which these gatherings should be conducted.  These people literally shared everything they had with one another.  Generosity and giving was absolutely fundamental to the creation of God's Church.  They were commissioned to take care of orphans, widows, and generally the poor (James 1:27). Further, Luke states in Acts 20:35 that Jesus himself said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." 

So now we circle back around to my closet and the hanger dilemma.  I'm going to call it the "Hanger Challenge."  Instead of buying more hangers to accommodate an ever-growing wardrobe, I hereby challenge myself to get rid of some of the clothing items I no longer use and give them away to the less fortunate, thereby creating empty hangers I can reuse. (Side note: when something is truly worn out, don't just give it away, THROW it away.  Clothing charities don't need our trash.) Furthermore, I will continue to challenge myself that for every new clothing item I purchase, I will give an article away.  

Buying more things can never fill the need for joy in my life, but maybe giving some away will. It may not only bring happiness in the moment, but also make room (in my heart) for more joy to come.  There is much more I could say on the topic of giving and generosity, but that is for another blogpost on another day.  Today is about letting go of what I don't need and blessing others by sharing that with which God has already blessed me.  Will you join me in a "Hanger Challenge" of your own?

50 Shades of Guilt

It's just after lunchtime. Today is a Snow Day, so the kids are home from school.  To complicate matters further, we're just coming out of a three-week-long stretch of sickness, and I missed going in to work both Monday and Tuesday, so I'm attempting to work from home.  The kids want to enjoy the day outside, and since Grandma and Papa who live just around the corner also happen to be retired, they are outside playing with the kids.  My father-in-law then lovingly offers to plow the driveway since Jake is working late for the foreseeable future.

A few minutes later I get a call from said FIL asking to have my MIL and the children come meet him in the path between our house and theirs as he has gotten the snow plow stuck on his way over.  He can use "as much help as he can get."  I holler out the door explaining the situation to Grandma, and before I can blink she has herded the kids towards the woods to rescue Papa.

With a sigh, and a side of guilt at not being able to help, I turn back into the house and begin to look around.  There is so much housework to be done I don't even feel like the smallest task will make a dent.  On the other hand, I still have emails to send, texts to write, and calls to make for work.  I need a Coke.  Okay, so this last bout of sickness has caused me to reexamine my health choices, and I know Coke is on the "bad" list, but in this moment, I just want a tiny bit of comfort from my fizzy, sugary friend.

That's when it hits me: I have no idea just how many of my thoughts have been wrapped in guilt so far today.  I feel guilty making the dog wait a few extra minutes to go out so I can wake up a bit before bundling up for the blistering cold.  I feel guilty for not being ahead of the kids with breakfast ready when they come downstairs, excited about their Snow Day.  I feel guilty for being the only team member out of the office today because of my kids.  I feel guilty for the technical phone problems we have causing a delay so I can be part of our important meeting.  I feel guilty letting the kids play Minecraft while I'm on the phone with coworkers for the important meeting.  I feel guilty not going out with the kids to play in the snow.  I feel guilty not focusing as much on work as I should.  I feel guilty being home and not cleaning the house.  I feel guilty for grabbing a Coke out of the refrigerator instead of water.  I could go on.  All of that and it's only the first half of the day.

I have a feeling that if Jesus were to stop at my house today, in the flesh, He wouldn't look around in disgust at the messes.  He wouldn't ask for a rundown of what I've accomplished for my job today.  He wouldn't ask how many hours or minutes of quality time I spent with my children.  He would probably open the fridge (because that's the kind of friend Jesus is: a "fridge rights" friend) grab a Coke for me, and one for himself, and plop down next to me on the couch.  We'd sit cross-legged and face to face drinking our Cokes and just being together.  I think He would dodge all that stupid small talk that I have come to despise, look deep into my eyes, and ask, "So how are you doing today? Like, really?"  Then He would hold me close and let me blubber into His shirt because I know that He knows EXACTLY how I'm really doing today. When I finally get all the tears out, He would find the box of tissues amidst the piles of laundry and hand me one, strategically letting his hand linger long enough for me to see the scars in His palm.

"Remember this?" I think He would say as we looked together at his hands.  I would nod and blow my nose loudly.  "All of your guilt hung on the cross with Me that day.  It's finished. You don't have to keep trying to take it back."  I would nod, and dab my eyes with a new tissue.

"I keep forgetting," I would say, looking down.  Then He would lift my chin until our eyes met again.

"I know," He'd say, "it's okay. I'm here to help. I'm not going anywhere."

Then I'd hold onto Him and cry again because that's just exactly what I needed to hear.  I'd blow my nose again and laugh nervously while I joke about looking like a wreck.  And Jesus would make that face your friend makes when they know you're being crazy, and He'd say, "You look exactly the way you are supposed to look."

He'd hand me my Coke, and I'd sip it gladly.  After all, it's a gift from God, so by definition it is good.   Then we'd share a blanket because blankets make me feel all cozy, and we'd just talk about stuff.  I'd tell Him more about what I was worried about, and He'd assure me He was already working on it.  I'd ask Him what I should do about certain problems, and He'd come up with these amazing solutions I could have never dreamed up in a million years.

Finally, as the day wound down, I would start to yawn, but try to stay awake just to be with Him a bit longer.  He would tell me it's time to rest, and tuck the cozy blanket around me as I laid my head on a pillow.  I would start to drift off almost immediately in the peace and calm of His presence.  But before I drifted off completely, I would hear Him whisper, "Remember, none of that guilt came from me, anyway. I love you. Sleep tight."

What Has God Placed on YOUR To-Do List?

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

-John 15:1-8

What is on your to-do list today? Go ahead, write it out. If you're like me, you already have one written, so go get it and observe what you see.  Sometimes placing all that you intend to do throughout a day on a list can be overwhelming.  Each item adds a bit more weight to the burden we carry around.  Each line on our list is representative of a chunk of time that will be required to accomplish it.  After all, we only have 24 hours in the day, and in between all the tasks, we still have to make room for eating, sleeping, and relationships, not to mention fulfilling our "duty" as a Christian lady by carving out some quiet time with God.  So how do we accomplish all there is to do?

Let me begin by asking you a question: Which of those items did God ask you to do?  I mean this in a very literal way.  Which items did you specifically hear the voice of God, through either scripture or other divine revelation, did He ask you to write down on that list?  

The first time I considered this, it certainly caused me to pause.  Here is what I found. 1. God asked me to love Him.  2. He asked me to love the other people he placed in my path.  (Luke 10:27) That is pretty much it.  Oh, and I need to add one more item: 3. He asked me to rest. (Exodus 23:12)

"Rest? Seriously, God?  Have you seen all of the stuff I need to do?  I'm not even sure I can fit in a healthy lunch today, let alone time for rest!"

...And yet rest is so important to God that He actually made it one of the 10 Commandments.  We are to take a Sabbath and keep it holy. (Exodus 20:8)  This causes a problem for most people in our culture.  We fill our schedules with so many "good" things that we couldn't possibly carve out time for a day off.  Could it be that a large portion of the tasks on our To-Do lists are items that God never meant to be there at all?

Perhaps we need to take a closer, deeper look at the items on our lists.  How do they line up with the 3 things God asks us to do?  

God asks us to love Him first, but did He ask us to be at the church building every time the doors are open?  

He asks us to love our family, but does that mean keeping an immaculately clean house perfectly decorated at all times in case the odd visitor would stop by? (And when was the last time that actually happened, by the way?)  

He asks us to love our husbands, but does that mean signing him up for every marriage study or family event regardless of his workload or your family circumstances?  

God asks us to love our children, but does that mean running them endlessly to every different sport, club, and program available to them?  

God asks us to love our friends, but has He asked us to make Pinterest-worthy homemade gifts for every special occasion imaginable when we're not even sure what we're making for dinner tonight?

Seriously, I am tired just thinking about that list.  It looks an awful lot like mine, by the way.

Praise God that He has given us a better way.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  

Jesus knows exactly what the burden feels like, and He has no desire for us to keep carrying it.  There is no amount of work we can do that will make Him love us more.  He already loves us as much as He ever will.  That's the thing about Jesus... He loves us perfectly and unconditionally.  He always has and He always will.  So what are we working so hard for?  Is it for his acceptance?  We already have it.

You may say, "I love Jesus so much I just want to serve Him with my life and give my gifts to furthering His kingdom on earth every way I can."  Sister, I love your heart.  Let me gently tell you that you may have it wrong.  Just because you see a need doesn't mean you are the one to fill it.  Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.  Just because it is an important ministry doesn't mean you have to be involved.  God has given each of us a specific set of skills to do a task He has set out for us.  It is not for us to go looking for it.  We just need to be still and ask Him what it is He wants us to do.

Taking it even a step further, when we attempt to accomplish Kingdom work outside of a commission from God to do so, it is meaningless.  *Gasp!*  That realization was a punch in the gut to me, too.  Scripture tells us, however, that God prunes the unnecessary work from us (fruitless branches) to be tossed into the fire.  1 Corinthians 13 paints a great picture of this:  "If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing."  Unless we are doing the work God has ordained for us to do, it is absolutely useless for the Kingdom of God. 

Living in the world is not easy.  (Understatement of the year, right there.)  As my pastor says, our culture wears busyness like a badge of honor.  We feel that there is something redeeming about staying busy.  As if by working hard enough  we can earn self-worth.  Ladies, we have it backwards!  It is only by resting in Jesus that we will ever feel self-worth.  We are worthy because Jesus says we are.  Period.  He felt we were so worthy, in fact, that he literally died for us so that he can live with us forever.  This is true for every single person who ever lived.  Nothing you have ever said or done has deemed you unworthy in the sight of God.  

Here is the kicker: unless we cease our work, we can never feel the rest of God which leads to hearing the voice of God.  God mostly speaks to us in gentle, quiet whispers of our soul.  Is it any wonder we can't hear Him above the loud voices around us and inside us shouting reminders of the list that never seems to end.  Sometimes God chooses to shout if we've gone too long without listening.  The very thought of that makes me shudder... 

God has been guiding me through a season of pruning and cutting off branches of my life that do not bear fruit.  Ladies, it is not always fun.  Especially since I am a people-pleaser who feels the need to help anytime there is a need.  However, I have also discovered that I am tired.  I'm not talking the kind of tired that is cured by a nice nap.  I mean I am tired down into the depths of my soul.  The kind of tired that makes me think I will never be energetic again until Jesus comes back.  God has been nudging me to begin laying my burdens down.  I don't want to lay down burdens, but Jesus says there is a better way, so I choose to trust Him. 

The cool thing is that if I begin to lay down the burdens that I picked up in my own flawed reason, that eventually I'll have room for what God has asked me to pick up.  Even cooler: I'll have the time and energy to do it WELL.  Do you know what it feels like to complete a task well?  Do you also know what it feels like to be stretched so thin that you don't feel you've done anything well?  I would trade the latter for the former any day.

There is a concept we teach in discipleship groups at my church.  It is not scripture, but I believe it is consistent with scripture so I am going to share it with you.  The concept is that we will only be as fruitful as we are rested.  In other words, the more time we take to spend resting with God absorbing his wisdom and turning to Him for our needs, the greater work we will be able to do for Him.  Isn't that what we all want? To hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

So here is my challenge for you:

Place your to-do list before God and pray over it.  Ask Him if there's anything on the list that you need to cross off before it's done.  He will give us an answer.  Don't worry that God will ask you to drop everything and bail on every commitment you have as of noon tomorrow.  He may, but I seriously doubt it. Next, add in a time of planned rest.  It doesn't have to be an hour and a half of silence.  Maybe just begin with the first five minutes you are awake.  You may be surprised what a difference this small change makes in your day.  One more thing:  don't pick up any new commitments until you have asked God about it.  I have decided not to add another commitment to my schedule unless I hear God asking me to do it.  Not confident in hearing the voice of God?  Your ability to hear Him will improve with rest, I promise.

In His perfect provision, God will give (and take) exactly what we need when and how He sees fit.  We need only trust that He is good and that He loves us.   Matthew 7 tells us, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

I'm confident that the God who loves you so much will show you a better, more achievable list.  Before you know it, you'll be crossing items off your revised To-Do list with more precision and zeal than you ever thought possible.  And who doesn't like to see a completed To-Do list?