My Packing List

"Bye! I love you!"

"I love you, too, Mommy!"

I closed the door and shut off the light so I could see out the window into the dark morning.  There he went.  My baby.  My brand new middle schooler.  My first child edged closer and closer to the busy road in front of our house.  Only a few feet away from him massive vessels capable of his demise roared past, oblivious to his presence. He stood, unmoved and otherwise unalarmed by their proximity.

On his back he wore a single bag.  He shifted the weight on his shoulders as he peered into the waking dawn, awaiting the next leg of his journey.  My stomach clenched as a single thought struck my consciousness: did I provide him with all he needs for this day?  What did I pack in his bag?

Every day, whether we know it or not, we are packing a bag for our children.  This is true in a literal sense as we consider whether we reminded them to finish their homework or packed a healthy lunch. However, what hit me that morning was how I was intentionally packing a figurative bag for my son. Would he face his days with everything he needs from me?

I don't need to tell you what a big world our children are facing.  The road ahead of them is dark and scary; filled with huge obstacles that can either take them somewhere, or flatten them where they stand.  As parents, we can only hold their hands for so long before they start to let go and walk out towards that busy road by themselves.  Yes, we will go with them as far as we can, but eventually they are out there on their own.

What gives me hope, though, is the daily knowledge that I can still help by packing a bag for them.  I can fill that bag with whatever I choose.  I have the choice daily to look at everything I have at my disposal, and decide what I will provide for them.  So, I make a packing list.  Like every good list, I give it a title and number it:

"My Packing List"

1.  Love.  Does he leave our doorstep each morning knowing that I'm his biggest cheerleader?  Does he know that no matter what happens today, whether he rocks that math quiz or ends up in detention that there's nothing he can do to change my love for him?  Did he go to bed last night with the reminder of the same thing?  Does he know that no matter how far away he goes, that I will be waiting here with open arms when he comes back home?

2.  Safety.  Does he know that our house is a safe place?  That inside this house are people that love and support him, and even on our worst days we will still fight for him.  Does he know that there are no stupid questions here, and he can ask me anything?  Does he know it's okay to fail?  I mean, like, epic mistakes... Does he know I'm still going to think he's awesome, and that I've made a few of those, too?  Does he know that sometimes I'm going to tell him, "No," and that it's only because I'm looking out for his best interest?  Does he know that anyone he brings home will be welcomed and loved no matter who they are?

3.  Friends.  Do I know every single contact in his phone because I'm his mom and that's why?  Am I strategically placing him in environments where he's going to make solid friends with great parents?  Do I like and trust a sacred few of those parents and secretly give them permission to be the parent to him when he doesn't want to listen to me?  Am I teaching him how to be a good friend to others and how to nurture those friendships?  Did I warn him that though everyone he meets deserves to be loved by him, that not everyone he meets should be welcomed into the deepest parts of his life?  Did I give him the tools to figure that out?

4.  Time.  Does he have access to my full attention at special times, even if it's not every single day?  Am I spending time with him away from everyone else so we can bond?  Do we talk often enough that having a tough conversation doesn't ruin our relationship?  Does he have enough time to do his homework without rushing most days?  Does he have enough time to get a good night's sleep?  Does he have time to do nothing but be a kid?

As I scroll down the list, I begin to check some off.  Yep, I packed love today.  Good, I packed time today.  Some days I feel like a rockstar as I check off every item on the list.  Other days I feel sloppy as I realize I missed one, or two, or all four.  Even on the bad days, though,  I know I've been packing his bag full of those good things for so long that there will still be extra left over from the days before.

It would be easy to overanalyze my packing list, and whether or not I filled my son's bag full enough today.  Moments later, though, the bus pulls up in a warm, hazy light.  He bravely climbs up the stairs as the driver switches on the light so he can see the steps ahead of him.  The bus lurches and rumbles off into the horizon.

I only watch for a moment.  He's gone from my sight for now, but soon enough he'll bring his bag home again for me to refill.  I have to get moving, too.  I have two more bags upstairs to pack.

The Hanger Challenge

Like every other typical American mom, I spent a large chunk of time and money on shopping trips last month.  There were backpacks and lunchboxes to buy, along with school supplies and all manner of containers in which to tote said supplies on and off the bus for the next nine months.  Then there was the clothes shopping.  Yes, it was time for the annual Back-to-School shopping spree.  Of course, no shopping spree would be complete without the new wardrobe additions.  It was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how difficult it is to shop for clothing for children who are smack-dab in the middle of random growth spurts?  Yes, this size fits now, but will it fit 2 months from now when it is actually needed?  This kid goes through pants like he goes through toilet paper (...okay so maybe that's not the BEST comparison) so I know I need a bigger size, but how far in advance shall I plan?  Why is it that a pair of jeans can increase only one size, but roughly double in price?  Is this fad going to last until Christmas break, or am I wasting precious money and closet space on something that won't be worn after the first round of school photos?

Ah, the closet space... That's where my mind was buzzing as I was organizing all the new shirts and pants we "needed" for this school year.  Jack had come to me announcing that since he ran out of hangers, he couldn't finish cleaning his room, which included the task of putting away clean laundry.  Bless his heart.  I quickly solved his problem by handing him a bunch of hangers from my own closet and gently shoving him back to the direction of his room.  That left me, however, with a scarcity of my own ability to finish hanging up my clothes.  For a moment I thought, "Hmm... Looks like I need to buy more hangers."

But then something caught in my spirit... What if what I need is not to buy more hangers, but instead to have less clothing to put away?

I looked around the state of my bedroom.  I would definitely not allow my children to have friends over if their rooms looked like mine.  Why is it that my bedroom is always the last one to be cleaned?  Stacks of jewelry, books, papers, personal items, and yes, clothing sat around waiting to be dealt with.  It was a bit depressing!  Where does this clutter come from?  To be honest, this is not the stuff I'm focusing on when I'm checking the daily sales at Zulily, or the Target app for free shipping deals.  Whenever I'm shopping, I'm focused on what I feel I need and don't have; not the piles of stuff taking up space in my house.  It goes beyond the state of my house to the state of my heart.  What unending  void am I trying to fill with stuff?

Have you heard of the Japanese art of decluttering by getting rid of objects that don't "spark joy"?  It's a real thing: read more here. The idea is that when you pick up an item you own, you will either immediately feel joy because of its presence, or you will not.  Items that don't immediately invoke a sense of happiness should be discarded.  According to Marie Kondo, author of “The Life-Changing Magic of Cleaning Up: The Japanese art of decluttering and organizing”, this is the key to living a joy-filled life.  Though I don 't agree with the entirety of this philosophy, Kondo may be on to something.  What if our contentment lies not in what we obtain, but in what we give away?

As the old saying goes, "Money can't buy happiness."  According to psychological studies it's true.  There is a direct correlation between generosity and the feeling of happiness or joy.  In my brief research, I found that this truth is consistent across the board.  For example, take this super awesome and nerdy scientific data for those with giant brains.  According to scientific studies, even the decision to be generous to others, let alone the act of being generous in and of itself, actually stimulates the joy centers of the brain.  I find that absolutely fascinating, but not shocking.

The Bible illustrates again and again the concept of denying oneself and elevating others as a source of true joy.  In the account given in the book of Acts, we see the building of the very first Church.  I don't mean a brick building with a cross on the roof.  The first churches (as in where it was held: lower case "c") existed in the homes of faithful followers of Jesus.  By building the Church (God's followers: capital "C") I mean setting forth the foundational principles by which these gatherings should be conducted.  These people literally shared everything they had with one another.  Generosity and giving was absolutely fundamental to the creation of God's Church.  They were commissioned to take care of orphans, widows, and generally the poor (James 1:27). Further, Luke states in Acts 20:35 that Jesus himself said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." 

So now we circle back around to my closet and the hanger dilemma.  I'm going to call it the "Hanger Challenge."  Instead of buying more hangers to accommodate an ever-growing wardrobe, I hereby challenge myself to get rid of some of the clothing items I no longer use and give them away to the less fortunate, thereby creating empty hangers I can reuse. (Side note: when something is truly worn out, don't just give it away, THROW it away.  Clothing charities don't need our trash.) Furthermore, I will continue to challenge myself that for every new clothing item I purchase, I will give an article away.  

Buying more things can never fill the need for joy in my life, but maybe giving some away will. It may not only bring happiness in the moment, but also make room (in my heart) for more joy to come.  There is much more I could say on the topic of giving and generosity, but that is for another blogpost on another day.  Today is about letting go of what I don't need and blessing others by sharing that with which God has already blessed me.  Will you join me in a "Hanger Challenge" of your own?